The technique: The Hussey will place his hands around your waist and without you realising, lift your skirt or dress by a couple of inches. 2: The Double-Twist Skirt-Lifting Manoeuvre With Extra Sleaze The shock is enough for you to escape, meanwhile the Hussey (which cannot get up once he is on his back), rolls around on the floor with his legs and arms waving in the air like an upside-down cockroach. You can feign interest by holding his sides, then fall over and don’t let go, taking him with you. Instead, try to take advantage of the fact that he is standing on one leg. Eventually removal of the head will kill him, but upon removal the rest of the body seizes up, leaving you trapped. Like the praying mantis, the Hussey does not require a head to continue with his sexual endeavours: he thinks primarily with his penis. The counter-attack: Now, most women go for the simple (if messy) “cut off his head with your katana” method, not realising of course, that they are in fact dealing with an entirely new species. It does not matter to the Hussey that there are people watching. He has trapped you by wrapping one of his legs around yours and will not let go. Once there he will distract you with shallow compliments and his damnably attractive English accent so that it is too late for you to escape. The technique: The Hussey will lure you over to a nearby wall, anything he can lean against, really. That is why I have created this helpful guide for recognising and dealing with Hussey strategy, which is known among Hussey herds as “stealth attraction.” At the time all I could think was: ”who the hell does this guy think he is, touching my ass?”Little did I know that I had, in fact, encountered my first Matt Hussey (or to use the Latin, Cranio-Phallicus Maximus). After watching the videos I realised I had myself once been prey to a Hussey. It ended up being a great bonding experience: there’s nothing quite like getting furious at something together. This new species was brought to my attention today at a friend’s birthday party, and we ended up watching his videos. Their natural habitats include bars and clubs, and they want one and only one thing: poontang. I couldn’t find a close-up, but he has the cold, dead eyes of a lunatic crossed with a panther. Now don’t be fooled: generally Husseys look like ordinary men. As if periods, the pain of childbirth, and constantly being locked in dragon-guarded castles until a stupid knight shows up is not bad enough, we are now being plagued by an entirely new species: Matt Husseys. It has come to my attention that we ladies are facing a new threat.
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